Do You Have Nuts?
Custody and support

I need to ask.. And i hope to get a reply

You say the only way a parent can win sole custody is to PROVE the other unfit? is this really so… i realllllly wanna know. Cuz just last month my husband LOST ALL CUSTODY on the basis that they cannot work out joint and that she *the mother does not deserve to be without custody.. How is this proving that we.. or my hubby is unfit? We have been going to court this last year.. probably about 12 times this year.. and she has actually come to about 6 or so.. not any good reasons for not coming to the others.. and we have gotten about 25% of the required visitation that we have in our order this past year alone. we had about a 6 month period we never seen or heard from him (son) Yet all her whining about possible abductions.. doesn’t trust him… etc.. (this is all she complains about, she repeats literally the same thing every time they are in front of the judge, the kicker is, the judge has heard and noted the fact that we have never and will never abduct him… etc. he basically doesn’t listen to her, told her that even if 1% of what she says there is true he would be surprised.

YET gives her sole custody? we have always paid support. Have never harassed her, or stalked her as she loves to say… This past Friday we were supposed to get visitation, she saw my hubby coming, she jumped in her car and left. but yet calls up Saturday and says we can have him… (this is very surprising since, it would be the second time since dec. 14th (court) that we would get him.. and… the first time in like 8 months that we will have gotten him on a weekend. Since last may, we have gotten him about 4 Tuesdays (4-7pm) and one week (this is because she stormed our house beating on the door, and trying to break our windows with a rock.. so we filed an order of protection against her. got it but the judge dismissed it when she came.. whining about how she shouldn’t be kept from her child. well what the HELL ABOUT US? she keeps us from him. doesn’t make sense.

To top that off, will she be able to provide your kid with calmness, financial independence and wellness? She has been on state assistance about 8 years (not that i mock that, its just that i believe in using it if you NEED IT… not living off it for however long you can) she has been found in fraud for applying and receiving state assistance under several aliases. not only that over the summer she was caught stealing the manager of her apartments electricity… then has gotten about 3 or 4 eviction notices this year alone… this time its gonna stick though. Not only that she has been arrested 2 times in a month. AND i also know that my step son’s pediatrician thinks she is emotionally abusing him.. though there is no concrete evidence at this time to prove anything. We have not found one person yet that likes her, she knows how to milk the system for all its worth.

so can someone please tell me how to stop this injustice? especially the fact of loosing all custody cuz SHE wont give visitation? it’d sure like to know. btw.. we don’t have lawyer cuz we just cannot afford it… (we still owe over 2000 to our last one from well over a year ago) and she LOST hers, cuz of the way she acts. Her lawyer told ours that he has told her you NEED to give visitation.. its the law… and she still hasn’t so he dumped her flat! Though we are trying to really do it this time, as much as we can without a lawyer.. (save money) to get all this that we have on her in concrete evidence. does anyone have any ideas where i could look at driving and criminal records (that are public records if you went to the court house) online or somewhere so i dont have to drive all over? thanks in advance

sorry for the long post.. this is only a glimpse of our story as it probably is with anyone elses. so if you have a question like “the other side of the story” or you feel you just don’t have enough information to answer one of my questions feel free to ask… I wanna know the answers. ill do what i can.


To vent or not to vent?

Dear Gentlemen,

I am only responding on how I perceive things. I responded in that manner because I felt that my integrity was being questioned.

To say, “hey buddy, that sounds horrible. Could you give me some more information and I’ll see what I can do for you”? You would find a more calmer approach from Fathers such as myself who have been through hell and back several times.

I am very open to anyone with advise, or a helping hand. We are living in a society that sees very little of that today.

To all, thank you for your response, as usual, you give information that is sensible.

I look forward to more postings from you.

To vent or not to vent? I sometimes wonder what the criteria is to this forum, if we can’t rant and have someone come in and say, hey, let me help you, calm down it will be ok, then we have a major problem here. I may seem to straight forward to some of you, but man, some of us are completely fed up.

Sorry for ranting on like this, but I thought we had a place to go when we needed to.


Two sides to every story

Two sides to every story

2 sidesReading of a couple of these posts has caused me to reflect on some of the messages that have appeared herein.

Lets remember that divorce by itself is emotionally traumatic. Divorce involving a custody battle is often devastating. I know that I personally am glad that I have stored my rifles with my father – my soon-to-be-ex gets me that mad. But the most important thing is to try and get over that and consider the needs of the child.

If you have not already guessed, courts appear to be generally shying away from sole custody in favor of joint custody. Children need interaction from both parents. And, in many instances, true joint custody can also bring relief from child support (or at least reduce the payment). You get sole custody only when you can prove that the other parent is unfit – an incredibly difficult standard to meet. I’ve seen cases where drug addicted mothers still got joint custody on the theory that they had not done drugs in front of the child and where undergoing treatment.

Now, its nice to come into this forum and bitch. But when you do, many of us automatically wonder what the other side of the story is. For all the truly lousy cases that make it into the newspapers, there are thousands more where justice and fairness prevails.

So if you want to vent – I’m down with that and can understand why. But at the end of the day, we’re all here to lend each other moral support and advice and to share in the experiences we are undergoing.

‘Nuff said. Sorry for the long post.

Custody and support

Just for the record

Just for the record, I believe your response does Mr. Sims a grave injustice. He is 100% correct when he writes that your circumstances are unique. And his explanation of the several variables that could lead to your situation is right on target. So, why am I not surprised that you chose to attack rather than offer a complete explanation?

Is Texas a state that follows child support guidelines? If so, I suspect that 50% of your income exceeds those guidelines UNLESS you fall into one of the situations that Mr. Sims mentions. And the fact that your ex can keep you from your child for 10 years certainly PIQUED my interest.

I see that Mr. Sims has graciously offered to help you. Might I suggest that you take him up on this freebie rather than rant! HE sounds like he knows what he is doing. YOU sound like you need all the help you can get.

Custody and support

Lets play it your way

OK. Lets play it your way. I have some questions.

But I will put my support where my mouth is. Although my organization is not located in Texas, I have several very strong contacts down there and I will see what I can do to provide you with some resources to get a fair shake.

While Texas does have its problems, I do know that there are several very strong initiatives underway to help fathers be active and supportive parents.

Now, First things first.

I would need to see documentation on you child support motions and orders. I would also need to see some form of documentation on your income history over the period of time which needs to be considered.

Secondly, I need to know if you have a visitation order from the courts, have you ever tried to get one and what reasons have have been used to keep you from the child. Do you live in the same area as the child for example.

If you are telling me the whole story, I will do what ever is in my power to help you. You will find that I don’t bitch about this, I do things about it. IN this movement, too many are willing to talk about the issues not enough are doing something. I try to work with the courts and I have had some relative success. The next move is yours, you can either keep bitching or you can see what we can do for you. I can be reached directly via email. If you are serious about being involved in your sons life contact me directly, I will see what I can do.

Custody and support

When I read the post

When I read the post, I am left confused as to why anyone would spout such near vulgar garbage toward someone. There have been times that I have played the devil’s advocate just to bring about serious discussion and I played stupid about the issues by stating politically correct rhetoric. But, I never included another personally to pull off such a farce. I certainly hope that Mr. Sims attempted to do the same although it did sound a bit more like an attack rather than poking fun using sarcasm to show how blatantly ignorant the familiarity platform is designed.

In any case, there are substantial areas of abuse by the system pointed out (although pointed out in irregular ways) and I think it gives us something to talk about. Otherwise, there is no “rest of the story”. Here is where truth comes out and as the saying goes, “the truth hurts”.

The fact that such information amounts to gigabytes, a better means to communicate is to break it into several discussions to let them take their own course. I’ll start by opening a thread called “the truth hurts” and quote statements followed by responses.

Custody and support

Oh, that’s beautiful

Dear Sir,

Oh, that’s beautiful. I so hoped someone would respond with the typical sarcastic rhetoric. Prime example of someone, who hasn’t had the pleasure of sampling Texas Justice.

If the courts are so UNDERSTANDING, why are there so many, and I mean many, fathers having to find places like this to come and vent or ask for help?
I especially feel the love of our judicious court system.

Typical you are, to make such a presumption, that because someone is going to be arrested for non-payment of child support, it must mean they are not paying, or downgrading jobs, or that there is another part to the story. You exhibit the paranoid characteristics that reeks in our courtrooms today.

You sir have just made every father that reads the postings, feel right at home. This is how we are typically treated. We are instantly accused of lying, not caring, and anti-social values attributed to the immoral decline of our children.

This website is incredible, I haven’t seen so many people pat themselves on the back, or toot their own horn in my entire life.

Just because you have custody of your children I guess the court system doesn’t look too bad to you right now, does it?

By the way, I have retained every paycheck stub from every job I worked. Every job has been a step up in pay. I don’t have an attorney because the blood sucking leach of an ex-wife gets 50% of my paycheck every month. Now, if you want to come down here and defend me for FREE, then you can talk your BS.

I haven’t seen my son for almost ten years because she refuses. She had his name changed, and now she’s trying to adopt him with her new husband, AND I’M STILL PAYING CHILD SUPPORT.

My son means the world to me, so don’t you ever call me or even suggest that I’m a deadbeat dad or that I’m not paying.

Custody and support

I love it when I hear only half the story

I love it when I hear only half the story. No court will put someone in jail for non-payment of child support if the father is paying the child support. There must be some other reason, or “the rest of the story”

Courts typically are only taking 50% of an individuals income if that person is not paying the required or ordered child support.

I am a single custodial father, I have custody of my daughter and I know how important child support is. I don’t get much and I it is not an amount that any court ordered, it is an order that my ex and I agreed on.

I work with fathers full time, specifically I work with fathers who are not compliant with their child support orders. I get orders modified almost daily, through a very understanding court. Understanding because I helped the courts understand the problems.

Now If you had an order and you lost or changed your job, therefore reducing you income, that would cause the courts to take 50%. If you lost your job legitimately or you income was decreased legitimately, you should have no problem getting the courts to modify your order to one that is reasonable. But it you intentionally decreased your income, you should have a hard time getting the courts to modify your child support. This may actually qualify you as a dead beat dad. Someone who is trying to get out of meeting your financial obligation to your children. Bottom line is that if you have done this, you don’t give two shits about the child, you have done this to hurt the ex.

If I am wrong and you are really getting screwed on child support, let me know and I have an organization that might be able to help you out. But make sure you tell me the whole story, I don’t do well with BS.

Keeping the faith in fatherhood

Custody and support

I would like some info on what your doing

I am a woman, but.. BUT i don’t stand for the injustice in the court system towards fathers. I don’t side with just women or just men. I stand for equality! total equality. Everyone to get the same treatment.

I believe it was great that those women that fought for their rights were all within their rights. But i don’t like the end result of it. I think men and women should fight the fight we really should be fighting. FOR THE CHILDREN. what is best for them, and any repercussions to a father or mother as necessary to a specific case. i think it should be discussed what really needs to happen. There needs to be laws in place that is not discriminatory to men or women. obviously…

I propose that no law regarding children custody and support should even have the words man or woman. It should say PERSON. It shouldn’t be in any way tailored to any mother or father specifically. basically the same rewards or punishments for either person. anyhow let me know what your trying to do and that, and lets chat!

Make a difference

One Man!

Hello Friends,

Here’s something I just read, and thought you might be interested in. This doesn’t apply to Fathers’ Rights, but it has a moral to the story.

A man in Texas was pulled over for speeding. This man went to court, without a lawyer, and decided that the courts were unfair. This man told the judge, that he was prepared to pay the fine, but he was going to pay in gold or silver. The judge tried to state that he was to pay in dollars. This man told the judge, that the Constitution states, “all fines are to be payed in gold or silver”. Two hearings later, the man Won on those grounds.

This, ONE MAN, has turned the law completely upside down. He now does not pay for insurance, nor does he wear a seatbelt, and is giving the courts a fit.

Moral!! He was only ONE MAN, who decided that enough was enough. If this ONE MAN can make a difference, so can we! I gave you just the facts, if you need to know more, let me know.

Don’t give up guys, there a many men who have had enough. Let me know how you feel, if you can’t say it because of club rules, then E-Mail me at Flathead8892@…, I would be very interested in what you have to say.

Family court

I just went thru this

I just went thru this with my soon-to-be-ex. In West Hartford, CT, if you have papers proving that you have a right to be with your child, they will come out to the house.

What you need is a visitation order or schedule that will clearly spell out that you have visitation that weekend. What you can do, is to put the visitation schedule on a calendar and make the calendar part of the custody order.

Political action

There are supposed to be 20 million of us

There are supposed to be 20 million of us, that would constitute a most formidable back-up and front line.

We are already living in a world of sh*t, what could we possibly stand to lose? Yes, I do know what combat is, and what it can do to the very fabric of our soul, but the soul is a stake when your Constitutional Rights are being destroyed.

Our Fore Fathers most be rolling over in their graves. The time is now, to take what they taught us and fight for what is ours.

If it’s a leader you want, then it’s a leader you will get.

Family court

Take it to probate (family) court

They’ll say, “It’s not a criminal matter, take it to probate (family) court. And if the mother has taken the child out of state, Family court has no jurisdiction. And if they’ve gone to a foreign country (like Florida) forget it.

That’s the problem I had. No matter that the law is clear that a custodial parent is committing a crime by denying the other parent visitation, the courts only do what they absolutely have to. This means there must be a precedent case in a higher court of the state. Since a victim cannot appeal a criminal verdict (only the District Attorney can do this – and they won’t because it’s not PC when the kidnapper is the mother) there are no such cases (at least here in massachusetts).

It’s not a prophecy, it’s the way things are.

“Fathers” are not a political force. We don’t vote as a block and never will. We’ll never be as powerful as NOW because women are women all their lives and men are fathers only as long as they are a part of their childs’ life. Their voice will always be louder than ours unless the countless mens and fathers groups can somehow come together. I don’t see it happening any time soon.

Ah, you do recognize the problem. It would be Nice if we could speak up and be heard, but 10,000, even 100,000 individuals fighting their own fights in their own home towns aren’t being heard.

BINGO! That’s exactly how I feel. And I think your treadmill analogy is great.

Fighting for father's rights

I agree with the concept

I agree with the concept, but ask that we not go off half-cocked.

I have another comment – no, a question to the community. Please bear with me – I need to know how is it that all I see around me are women’s groups (eg., victims, shelters, counseling, etc.) which are funded, or appear to be funded by, federal, state, city and/or county governmental agencies; yet, I see very, very, very few – if any resources available to dad’s/men.

I know this seems as if it has been beaten to death on or in this club but ————

In my heart and soul cannot understand and would like to ask the following:

  1. what makes it so hard for someone like us to set up a shelter for men?
  2. Everyone, other than men, use the “blanket” of discrimination to achieve their goals, purpose, etc. Can we not do the same?
  3. Can dads not find an advocate to help us at a state or federal level to do the same thing that NOW is doing? [only not so inhumanely and self-serving] Our goal is our children-not ourselves!

I have faith in these guys

I would do what i could from MN

Thanks to all the members of this club for your time reading ,or should i say, muddling through my questions.


Fighting for father's rights

When we measure what it is we stand to lose

When we measure what it is we stand to lose, we get lost in our direction (which is not a fault of a loving Dad). On one hand we get the token few moments of involvement with our children and the rest of time is a relentless, wrenching, pit of Hell. Those few moments are what most Fathers live for but if he steps out of line, those moments are immediately stolen from him. That is why a man is no longer free to be a man. Too few fathers are willing to risk those few moments to assure generations free from the tyranny of this socially engineered society. It is easily understood but very sad.

If we stand and accept being “Beatdead Daddies” we set examples for our own children which assures the dread of today existing throughout tomorrow. If a man stands to put a stop to the tyranny, he loses all possibility to be a part of his own children’s lives. This is the dilemma.

The time is near for this to be changed. The age of the first generation of the abused children is nearly their age of majority and the fathers who have endured will soon be free to fight with no fear of repercussion toward their young.

The 20 mil are not part of this group (yet) but as time goes by, more and more will be free to join. It is only a matter of time before men bring back the only successful model of society known to mankind, patriarchy. It will be leaders with experiences such as what they bring to the table that helps us all to be free.

Declaration of Independence

From our Fore Fathers

From our Fore Fathers, and if it were the last thing we are commanded to remember, it IS the most important:

“But when a long train of abuses and usurpation, pursuing invariably the same Objects evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security”

Declaration of Independence

If nothing else were to give us guidance, this one statement must. It is why we exist as fathers and protectors of the future of our children. It is an explanations of our duty…

Political action

In my political action experience

In my political action experience, and working with men who are having troubles with the divorce industry, I have noticed a few things.

First the divorce war usually wears the father out.

Second once the father has won what he has gotten shaking or rattling the cage for the changes that are needed, is a scary thing. In some areas if you rattle the wrong cages of the elected officials hell will seem like a holiday.

Third, we do not see many in the men’s movement except for the walking wounded.

As a marine you would know about going in to combat with a real contingent of back-up and front line soldiers. This is something that the men’s movement is very thin in.